Mean Girls

One of my early experiences with female friendships occurred when I was in second grade. I was part of a three-way friendship with two other girls. I was always the new girl in school (four elementary schools in six years) and eager to be a part of a group. In the springtime we got into a tiff of some kind (although I can’t remember the cause) and I was the one pushed out of the “club.” I remember the “queen bee” telling me that she didn’t want to be friends with me anymore and I distinctly remember her telling me, “And when we were holding hands on the playground last week I noticed that your hand was much fatter than Cathy’s.” (Still not sure how the size of my hand related to her not wanting to be my friend.) My little 7-year-old heart was crushed and my esteem bruised (not to mention the effect on my body image – but that is the subject for another post).

Fast forward 40 years and I recently had an experience that recalled those same little girl emotions. A few weeks ago I found out through Facebook that a group of good acquaintances (that do not read this blog) whom I have know for many years and am in regular contact with, went out for a celebratory evening and did not invite me. It hurt my feelings deeply and made me question the validity of the friendships. Do they not like me? Am I too over-bearing? Am I not fun? Did they just not think of me? And then I started to seethe and withdraw out of anger.

Fine. I will delete the email you sent me without replying. I will respond with a two word answer to your text. I won’t comment on any of your Facebook posts as I used to do regularly.

I guess I could have asked one of them why I was not invited, but that seemed too needy to me and perhaps I didn’t want to hear the answer. But, after several weeks of being the injured party and dwelling on the rejection, I realized that it was only hurting me to keep all those toxic feelings alive.

I started slow and first made some comments on a few of their Facebook posts. After doing that it felt like some of the air had been let out of the balloon that was pressing on my heart….a bit of relief. Next I responded in a pleasant way to an email sent from one of the gals. The pressure of the balloon eased off a bit more. Then yesterday I made lunch plans with the friend that I know the best as I realized that I didn't want to let that friendship slide just because of my sore feelings (valid or not). The balloon deflated more.

There is still some soreness inside that won’t go away for awhile, and I don’t want to schedule a group get-together anytime soon, but regardless of how or why the whole situation actually occurred, it has helped me to value my true friends and see the importance of building up those relationships.