Thoughts on Love

In "Blue Like Jazz" Donald Miller writes, "The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity....we withold affirmation from the people who do not agree with us, and we lavishly finance the ones who do."

That thought was like the banging of a big gong that reverberated through my body. This was so "loud" to me because I see how I have done this on a societal level and on a social level and - most sadly - in my family. I have put myself on the pedestal of "truth" and when a group of people (i.e., liberals, drug addicts, homosexuals) - or my children - are not living up to this standard of acceptability, I withhold love and sit in judgment. This can be very obvious - as in making critical comments about a liberal church or very subtle - as often occurs within the family. There is a stony wall of silence, a rolling of the eyes, a withdrawal of affection or attention, a different tone of voice, a cold look in the eyes.

The big "WOW!" for me is that whether my view is right in God's perspective makes little difference on how I love and accept people. God has not called me to judge - He has called me to love. "It is not my responsibility to change somebody, it [is] God's, my part [is] just to communicate love and approval." In practice at home, I can't always approve of what my children are doing as my knowledge of God's word and life experience often reveal that their actions/choices will have some bad consequences. However I can continue to approve of them as people that God is in the process of shaping (and continue to set boundaries as a parent).

As Donald Miller goes on to say "instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on lavishly. I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew this was the way that God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson."

Sugar-free

Day three of no sugar and no white flour.
At all.
No fructose, sucrose, cane sugar, or date sugar. No sugar in bagels or crackers or yogurt...which hardly counts as sugar at all, right? In my mind, sugar is licorice or a cupcake or a big sugar cookie or Twerpz or Kissables.....

It is very sneaky all the foods that have sugar in them. Who knew dry roasted peanuts had sugar in them? I bought a gluten, wheat and sugar free bar at the health food store. It tasted like banana flavored bark AND it had 230 calories. I could have had a bag of Kissables for that calorie content. It certainly was not worth the calories! Artificial sweeteners mimic sugar in your body, so no diet drinks with splenda or aspartame.

It is all very complicated, so why am I punishing myself? Supposedly if you do not eat sugar or white flour (low glycemic index foods), you will remain fuller longer and will not eat as much overall. You are supposed to have more energy, clearer skin, reduced body fat, and a healthier heart. I am waiting for this phenomenon to take over my body, waiting for the benefit to be greater than the feeling of deprivation. I am also waiting to button my jeans comfortably again.

And now, as I was looking longingly at the Frosted Flakes in the cupboard, my sons came home with chocolate chip cookie dough, which they are now consuming, raw, in front of me at the kitchen table. It's is just too cruel.....Almost as cruel as eating dried soybeans at the football game instead of french fries.

Transformation

"We can't transform ourselves. We are transformed by God. Our part is changing what we think about. Then transformation happens." John Maxwell

It is catching those negative thoughts....those destructive thoughts...those selfish thoughts...those thoughts that my agenda is the only way... thoughts that my needs and comfort are more important than others....thoughts of pride...critical and judgmental thoughts....
It is recognizing those thoughts upon entry in our minds, unwrapping them from their attractive disguise and banishing them into a black hole of nothingness. Don't let them sit in our minds for more than a moment or they may just think they are invited to stay. If they think they are invited to stay they just might take root and wind themselves around other thoughts and attitudes....and before long transformation is no longer the goal.....self is.

Messy Spirituality

From an interview with the late Mike Yaconelli (author of Messy Spirituality)

I have always been convinced that I never have to tell anybody that they have sinned. I don't have to say to a person, "Gee, you don't live up to what God expects out of all of us." And then they respond, "What... You're kidding!" That isn't the problem. People are very well aware of their sin, their shortcomings, their failures, their mistakes, their emptiness, their loneliness, and their lostness. But too many times the church says to them, "If you're empty and lonely, lost, confused, and have questions. . . come to the church and we'll get rid of all those things. " So people come to the church and try it, but they end up still having emptiness, doubts, and loneliness, and they say, "Apparently, I didn't do it right. I didn't listen to the right tapes, or go to the right seminar .. I give up... I quit." I'm convinced that most people are looking for something that says, "You're not alone, you are loved in spite of the flaws and the junk in your life." People want to know that there is hope out there and that some sense can be made out of life. That their small life with its little bit of everydayness can actually make a difference and have a kind of power and authority.

What characterizes Christianity in 1995 is realness and honesty with yourself and God. It's not your stance on abortion, or homosexuality, or some political issue; it's that you tell the truth. As honest as you know how to be, God will honor that. You can trust that. I've got five children and they are in all stages of response to the gospel. But that will change in five years when the ones who seem to have it all together will be falling apart and the ones who don't have it all together are going to be further along. As a parent I want them to all be in the Kingdom. I want them to be following Jesus. I want them to be living on the forefront of the gospel, but they're not there. So what do I do as a parent? Do I keep calling them up? Do I keep sending them letters trying to evangelize them? Or do I trust the Truth? They've seen it in me--I've been divorced, the absolute unpardonable sin. Will they be able to see Jesus in the midst of my brokenness and flaws? The answer is absolutely! I trust that and I will go all the way to my grave believing that.