Reflection

There is nothing permanent except change.
Heraclitus

Last year at this time I was looking forward to embarking on new changes in my family and career. I was stepping out of my comfort zone and looking ahead at a new job and a new family dynamic with kids out of the house. Well, here it is 12 months later and it would seem that I have come full circle - once again looking for direction on my career and anticipating changes in the family dynamic. 

There are two approaches that I could take: 1) dwell on the "failures" of the last year and look ahead with trepidation that I might make the same mistakes again, or 2) pause and reflect on what I have learned, refocus on growing as a believer, wife, mother, in my work, and listen for God's guidance.

 

I am choosing #2, but it can be challenging for me. I am not naturally a reflective person. I like structure, a list of tasks to accomplish, planning and clearly defined expectations. While I like the idea of change, the reality often makes me uncomfortable. I don't like to inhabit the land of uncertainty and ambiguity for very long. 

 

My thought life tends to be somewhat undisciplined, unbridled and hummingbird-fast and can be hard to tame. I intend to engage in thoughtful reflection or prayer on one of the changing areas of my life, but I end up planning dinner, remembering I need to make an appointment for the dog, wondering if I should buy those cute shoes I saw, jumping on the computer to search job sites for the sixth time that day or look up funny dog cartoons.

 

Walking has been a great way for me to have some contemplation time. I don't find calm when I am jogging or at the gym as that tends to be more task-focused for me, but walking is different. There is something about being outside, breathing fresh air while having an invigorating walk with no pre-set goals that allows me to pause my warp-speed thoughts, gain perspective, peace and sometimes even hear from God.

I think it is time to step away from the computer and head down to the beach for a walk.