This week is my birthday. One of those 40-something
birthdays that are not terribly notable, but keep you inching towards the next
decade. While I don’t presume to know how many days God has set out for me, it
is likely that I am about halfway through my time on earth. I would love to be
able to sit down with my kids and talk about some of the things I have learned
in my four decades of life. While they would smile and listen politely I know
that they don’t really think that my life experiences have any relevance to
their lives at this time. So perhaps if
I write my thoughts down for posterity, they will uncover it at a time when they are
open to listening.
Dear Kids,
It seems like just a few years ago that I was driving you
all to soccer practice, music lessons, theater rehearsal, and
bringing snacks to your classroom on your birthday. I remember when you
wouldn’t go to bed without being tucked in and singing the “peace” song. Now
you are all adults and finding your own way in a world of jobs, school, paying
bills, and parenthood and our most frequent communication is over text
messages. Here are some things that I hope you learn before you are 40-something.
Five Things I Hope that My Children Learn
1.
You don’t
have to be perfect to succeed. When I was younger I would often quit because
I did not meet my own standards or because I was scared of failing. While I
still face those same internal barriers I have learned that unless you take a
risk, there is no reward. Twenty years
ago I would never have been able to speak in public and in three weeks I will
be speaking to a group of 40 Silicon Valley executives. While I am
anxious about my performance, I am willing to face the challenge even if the end
result is not “perfect.”
2.
Don’t
look to other people for approval or acceptance. I have wasted so much time
worrying over what other people think of me, and gone down many unproductive
and unhealthy paths searching for acceptance from others. Practice looking
heaven-ward and inward at your intrinsic strengths and positive
qualities to find your value – not to the instability and superficiality of
people around you.
3.
Your
thoughts become your actions. How
you think will directly influence the course of your actions. I did not always see this correlation and
spent many years with thoughts that …oh so slowly….pulled me down into
negativity or away from my core beliefs. I now consciously choose to reject
thoughts that tell me that I am not good enough, that I need more to be happy,
or that I am a failure, and replace these with truths that I have learned from
God’s word and His teachers.
4.
Love
trumps rules…always. So much of my younger years as a Christian became
about obeying the rules of “religion” - trying hard to follow the mold to be a
good Christian. I hope that you learn that
true faith is about acknowledging and soaking in God’s immeasurable and
unfailing love for you just as you are. When you trust in and reciprocate that
love, change will follow.
5.
Nothing
you can do can make God love you less or divert His plans for you. I used to think it was all up to me to work
out God’s plan for my life. Whew! That was a lot of pressure. And when I messed
up and fell short of His plans for me, I was sure that he was looking down on
me in abject disappointment. A huge weight was lifted off of me when I grasped
that no sin will ever change the way that God loves me – and when I can truly
trust that His plans for me are good, I am able to quit trying to “fix” things
and find peace in any circumstance.
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