"If you do right and suffer for it and are patient beneath blows, God is well pleased" I Peter 2:19
Lately it has seemed like I have been under a weight of many emotional "blows". The circumstances currently surrounding my family, while not entailing physical suffering, have caused me a lot of emotional pain. Instead of being patient as these verses in I Peter exhort, I have found myself trying to fix some of the practical problems my two oldest children are experiencing due to the unexpected pregnancies.
After my husband called me on the fact that I had actually applied for two jobs FOR my son, I realized there is a strong correlation between my lack of patience and this sometimes invasive desire to fix their situations.
Later in the second chapter of I Peter, he goes on to say that suffering is a part of life here on earth and that we are to strive to respond to these sufferings as Christ did, specifically He "left his case in the hands of God." Lately, due to my worry an anxiety, it has not been easy for me to leave my children's "case" in God's hands.
I struggle with identifying the appropriate boundaries. When are my suggestions crossing the line to trying to control or fix? Is it okay to send job postings to my unemployed son who will soon have a child to support? Is it okay to look for job training opportunities for my son even when he has no interest? It is okay to send housing options to my daughter and suggest she might want to find a home for the dog that is limiting her choices?
Having appropriate boundaries may have a lot to do with leaving their "cases" in God's hands and removing my hands. Managing these boundaries seems kind of like walking on a balance beam - it is challenging not to fall on the side of too controlling and invasive OR on the side of or not providing needed help and parental instruction. I guess the only way to learn to stay in the middle of the beam is to practice and realize I am going to fall off until I get the right rhythm.
2 comments:
Hi Amy,
My heart aches for you and your stolen dreams for your kids. Although my situation isn't exactly the same, it does have similarities in the fact that our dreams are not their dream. You find yourself wanting to fix everything you can because you're convinced they haven't got a clue as to what do do next. Honestly, if you rob them of experiencing the fixing process themselves it just lengthens the duration for everyone concerned.
They need to waddle and sit in the muck they've chosen so they realize the severity and implications of the life THEY chose. (I'm telling myself the same thing as I tell it to you!) The thing I find the hardest is to keep my mouth shut until I'm asked for advise and to sit on my hands so I don't make moves that they should be making.
I find support in the Rigorous Honesty meetings on Monday nights because I'm not alone in my co-dependent, enable ling personality.
Just know what you've taught them is in there and God is in control. He will use this in a mighty way in their lives. Give yourself a break and stop being the wipping post.
I can save a chair for you if you ever care to join me.
I love you with all my heart girlfriend!
Chris
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