Looking Back

2010 was a pretty tumultuous year for me. Because I believe that everything we go through in life has a divine purpose and because I don't want to miss the lessons that I needed to learn, I have been contemplating what I learned - and how I grew - in 2010. I want to make sure that I "get it" so that God doesn't feel the need to teach me these lessons again!

Four Things I Learned in 2010:
1. To be thankful in despairing circumstances
I learned to be thankful for many little things that I think I would have overlooked if life was all sunshine and butterflies. I appreciated the little things more when the big things were in chaos. By appreciating the little things I eventually got to the place where I could even be sincerely thankful for the painful and challenging situations. Truly a gift from God.

2. To love people better
I learned to show love to people in my life that I really didn't want to - and didn't approve of or even like. In some cases these were people I am biologically related to! The song "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North has really been a defining song for me to enable me to think about people apart from their actions and through God's eyes (you can click on the picture to the right to see the video for the song). The chorus is:

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

3. To separate myself from my kids choices
As a mom, my primary focus for the last 21 years has been trying to teach my kids the important values in life and provide them with the skills they need to grow. Over the years this has meant that I have gotten myself emotionally and physically wrapped up in all aspects of their lives and the choices that they have made. It is almost as if I lost track of them as people, but started to see them as objects - "my kids" or "my life's focus"- and so when they veered from the expected course that I had established in my mind it was quite painful and I felt as if I failed. However through the circumstances of this year I have come to understand God has given me the privilege of loving and caring for my kids (and also a huge responsibility), but their choices are no reflection on me as a person or on my success or failure as a parent. Big change in my thinking!

4. That mistakes can be good
I hate failing or making a mistake. It creates a HUGE amount of anxiety within me. Most people will tell you that I am very hard on myself, which leads me to often be hard on those that I love. Through this last year I have seen how the mistakes that my kids have made, while VERY costly to them (and to me both emotionally and financially), have been vitally important to their process of growth. They wouldn't be growing and maturing as they are if they had not made these mistakes (certainly this is still a "work in progress"). If my goal as a parent is for them to grow and mature then I have to see mistakes as a painful but necessary part of this process, not as failure.

While I am excited to continue to apply the things that I learned last year, I can't help but hope that the lessons are a little easier to learn in 2011. Yet, whether 2011 brings easy or hard situations, I rest in the knowledge that there is purpose in everything that God allows in our lives.