In "Blue Like Jazz" Donald Miller writes, "The problem with Christian culture is we think of love as a commodity....we withold affirmation from the people who do not agree with us, and we lavishly finance the ones who do."
That thought was like the banging of a big gong that reverberated through my body. This was so "loud" to me because I see how I have done this on a societal level and on a social level and - most sadly - in my family. I have put myself on the pedestal of "truth" and when a group of people (i.e., liberals, drug addicts, homosexuals) - or my children - are not living up to this standard of acceptability, I withhold love and sit in judgment. This can be very obvious - as in making critical comments about a liberal church or very subtle - as often occurs within the family. There is a stony wall of silence, a rolling of the eyes, a withdrawal of affection or attention, a different tone of voice, a cold look in the eyes.
The big "WOW!" for me is that whether my view is right in God's perspective makes little difference on how I love and accept people. God has not called me to judge - He has called me to love. "It is not my responsibility to change somebody, it [is] God's, my part [is] just to communicate love and approval." In practice at home, I can't always approve of what my children are doing as my knowledge of God's word and life experience often reveal that their actions/choices will have some bad consequences. However I can continue to approve of them as people that God is in the process of shaping (and continue to set boundaries as a parent).
As Donald Miller goes on to say "instead of withholding love to change somebody, I poured it on lavishly. I hoped that love would work like a magnet, pulling people from the mire and toward healing. I knew this was the way that God loved me. God had never withheld love to teach me a lesson."
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